Permission to Be Happy

I had a thought last night, and lo' and behold something popped up this morning that has me returning to tug fully at that string.

I feel guilty if I feel any happiness right now.

Yep.  I essentially feel like because my practical life is such a damn mess at this point that I don't have a right to be happy.  I'm leaning on others way to much for my liking.  I can't seem to find a way to get my ass to NYC to be with my Man.  My friends miss me.  My ex is pissed at me.  My kids never see me.

And after all the nasty shit that was thrown at me last summer...some of it is still stuck to the walls of my soul.  Countless times, I heard how I didn't have a right to be happy and that instead of reaching for stars I should simply suck it up and quit being childish.   <~That was bullshit of course, but after hearing it so many damn times, I panicked when I lost that chaotic dead-end job, which was actually a blessing of course, but part of me has been terrified since that I'd be persecuted again.  I no longer fear that emotional punishment, but I still need to wash that last of that shit from my heart and mind.

No matter WHAT my circumstances are...

• I have every damn right to grab onto any moments of happiness and even joy that happen to fly by me.  
• If I honor my loyalties and respect the help others are providing, I have every right to smile and laugh.
• If I continue to work hard, invest in my future, and chase every opportunity I spy, I am allowed to guiltlessly embrace the sunny, sweet warmth of love, peace, hope, and happiness.

~sigh~  

Maybe now that I've given myself permission for all of that, I can be even more productive, more centered, and simply be a better me.

Anyone that doesn't like that...well, kindly go fuck yourself.  Everyone else...come dance with me.  ;-P

~K.