Another Voice Fades

My heart mourns. Another of the old guard has faded from the fight.  Her battle changed us individually and influenced cities, states, countries, the world.  With grace, poise, and fire she used her words as a weapon.  She defended what was right.  She fought for honor.  She attacked ignorance and prejudice.

Maya Angelou's On the Pulse of Morning

We must not let her brilliant and powerful words fade in the wind.  We must carry on her war with the myriad of profound weapons she has left us and honor all that she has taught, shared, and inspired in us.

May you rest peacefully by the Rock, the River, the Tree, Ms. Angelou.  May you rest in peace.
~K.

Dear NYC

Dear New York City ~

Good evening. I won't waste your time or mine. After all, you do like to cut to the chase. I'm writing to respectfully and humbly ask for a chance to stand under your awe-inspiring shadow. I realize that you are pretty much the Queen, and that no one reigns bigger, better, or more demanding than you, but still, I dare to test my soul within your complicated maze. If I fail miserably so be it. All I want is a chance.

No...I don't seek fame. I don't seek to be a star or the richest bitch shopping on 5th Avenue. I hope to play in Central Park with M not live next to it. I leave those dreams for others. Mine simply aren't grandiose. They never have been. I merely crave a chance to build a life with my M. A chance to help and stand next to Him as he reaches for His dreams. A chance to find and build a place for myself in this world in your presence. A chance to succeed. 

Will you grant me that? Will you accept me enough to give me those opportunities?

I know compared to all those brilliant, radiant gems that dance on your stages and litter your streets that I'm not much. But I have a loyal pure heart that can put damn near everyone to shame. I've lost so fucking much but I'm a survivor, a strong persistent bitch. I'm a fighter. And at times I even kickass. But most of all, I don't give up. I will bleed out for what I believe in, and I fucking believe in Him. In Us.

Since my first steps on your rumbling pavement, I've been told I belong, and every time I return I feel more and more like I've found home and where I was meant to thrive. But you have yet to grant me entrance. My hands are battered and bruised from pounding on your gate. What must I do? What must I say? If I need to prove my worth, tell me the damn task! I will take it on and prove to you that I deserve a small tiny corner of your time and space.

I can't lie. You do intimidate me, but I've never let fear stand in my way of reaching for love, and I love that Man more than anyone or anything. He gave me hope. He offered me my destiny, but I need your favor if I am truly ever to fulfill my place at His side. Will you give me a chance?

If I'm destine to fail miserably, then let me fail. I will tuck my crushed tail between my legs and crawl back to this quiet sleepy town and let my hope die. But I deserve a chance for happiness. M and I deserve an opportunity to be everything we could be and help you shine just a little bit brighter for our efforts.

So what do you say Lady NYC? Are you willing to take a chance on me? I promise you, anyone brave enough to spend time with me has never regretted having me in their lives. They merely regretted that my time with them wasn't longer. Give me a chance to add flavor, color, and depth to your soul in a way few can match. I promise. You won't be sorry.

Sincerely,
~K.

My Inner Badass

New name.  New look.  Yes...I am attempting to find my feet right now, which requires me to shift with the moving ground under my feet.  "New Chapters" while it represents my change it does not reflect my soul, and quite frankly after the last year my soul is a little battered, beaten, and bruised.  I'm considerably pissed off about those injuries.

I am in...transition for the next phase of my life.  I am no longer content with the "happy struggle" as M put it so succinctly.  No.  I want progress.  I want strength.  I want dedication, intention, and focus.  I want more than what I've had the last 40 fucking years of my life.  I don't want to be at the end of anyone's god damn list.  I won't ever again be content with anyone's crumbs tossed carelessly my way. After everything I've given, I deserve better.  I deserve it fucking all.

Where do I stand to get whatever the fuck "ALL" is?  Where will I find my strength?  Where will I find those who not only give lip service to believing in me but action as well.  The simple fact is: You get out of me what you put in.

A friend of mine messaged this image to me over the weekend.  Because of my various situations, I've had to tuck my badass away for a while now.  But more and more I've felt the urge to kick fucking ass rising inside me, so maybe it's time to give my inner badass a bit more breathing room.

Does Badass mean I'm a bitch?  It can. And sometimes I will be.  But sometimes being a badass will simply mean flying higher, faster, or more beautiful that those around me.  Sometimes being the baddest bitch on the block will mean I fight for the underdog.  And sometimes my inner badass will silently recede to the background and stand watch protectively as the softer, sweeter pieces of me show themselves.  I am so much more than any one blog or post can say.  I am more than most people will ever fucking see or understand.
~Kat

When the Love Runs Out

When there was FINALLY a break in the weather, I tore out of the house to get to the docks and find an escape.  I was quite frankly ready to scream.

This came on the radio, and oh how fucking good it felt to have that sweet Bose cranked and the windows down to this.  ~sweet angry bliss~



Enjoy.
~K.